I have decided to comment on some of the great comments I received on yesterday’s post. “A fragmented life of moments. IF you smile.” These are not direct quotes but rather bits and pieces I found pertinent and helpful.
One comment states: Misery without seeking meaning and growth but instead taking in the hardships of life. Not sharing and being but seriously putting upon others the trials instead of being authentic in the sadness.
Boy does this strike the bell for why this tiny little statement struck me like a punch in the solar-plexus. In the first sentence here it says: taking in the hardships. I see this literally. Holding them in the body, which then manifests in disease and mental suffering. Not only for the person holding on to them, but often the people who end up caring for those people. It seems to me that if you resist at this stage you are accused of being cold and unkind. Many times written off as a Judas. If you surrender to it, under the guise of kindness and compassion, yet don’t really feel that in your heart, instead feeling resentment, because you are held hostage to someone else’s pain, their suffering then begins to own you too. Many times this is when the martyr effect kicks in. The I am the good one because I do it, even though I don’t want to. I truly believe this flock mentality to be destructive for society in that it does not allow for those who choose a different route to compassion. And it’s particularly destructive to free thinking women as we are more times than not the caregivers. So what then are you saying, you ask; Are we all to just dump those who develop illness because they held their pain in? Of course not. Just be honest about whether you are really the one who ‘chooses’ to do that work. You will know that you’re doing something you don’t want to when you get angry at or reject those who don’t choose the same path. When you use Jesus and the Cross, or Mother Teresa to back you up. Secretly of course.
Another comment says: Taking the journey either way, someday’s with a smile and someday’s without.
YES! Living an authentic life. Why is it so hard to share the struggle? Because the messages we receive are: Don’t be a joy kill. Don’t bring anybody down. You look ugly when you are crying. No one wants to hear it. If you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything. And the grand-daddy of them all, you created this, so it’s your fault. GULP. We do create it, so please, let’s help each other create something better. Something more meaningful and rich. And when the urge to smile is real, let your face blossom! The world can use all the flowers it can get. The problem is that fake smiles are like plastic flowers. Too much of it and we start to forget the perfume of a real flower. Stop planting and tending the garden of who we really are. No longer caring to do the hard work of pruning and weeding and feeding and watering.
The last thing I want to say is this. In one comment they bring up that perhaps it’s the fear of getting bogged down, stuck in the sadness that causes people to morph into plastic. I agree. And this is what feels threatening to me. It’s like believing that bottled water is safe because it’s in that nice clean clear plastic bottle. That belief then allows water bottlers to high-jack the aquifer and other natural water sources which they then ‘purify’ and sell it back to us.
- Mother Teresa of Christopher Hitchens (femination.wordpress.com)